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Boss of Me

by benjamin_sanguine

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1.
The colour of hydrangeas in your hair And the lingering smell of Chanel no. 5 If it’s good enough for the Jones Then it’s good enough for me Memento Maureen Remember you will die By and by So cross your heart And stick the needle in the groove It’s time to move Nothing to prove Don’t need no bread Don’t lose your head Can’t take it with you anyway Nothing else to say Time to dance the night away Star of the sea, guiding light to sailors Feeling the rhythm of Queens, to the Velvet factory Most beloved and rebellious child O, Little Mo, why’d you go away from me? Memento Maureen Remember you will die And so will I Along with everything and Everyone you love Heaven’s above And earth below Well, waddya know? When it’s your time to go Just let the river flow Maybe see you later in the aftershow But live today In your own special way Memento Maureen, and Pauline and Barbara Remember Brenda and Linda and Christine. Think of you and me Revolving on this blob of tumbling earth and sea Around a ball of blazing energy Destined to suck us in and consume us completely Memento Maureen Remember you will die By and by Memento Maureen Remember you will die And so will I
2.
I have evidently irritated the couples With facts such as ‘married’. on the verge of an abundance of tropes, I don’t have much to say in between. What is all this? What is all this about? Where are you taking me? What do you take me for? I’m now excitedly awaiting the day the big cheeses finally open the programme that shows real people walking up to a closed door, 
to open it themselves. What is all this? What is all this about? Where are you taking me? What do you take me for? I am semi-functional I am semi hemi demi quasi-functional but I don’t feel right inside My head hurts and my heart aches My skin prickles as I lie awake to avoid the dreaming terrors What is all this? What is all this about? Where are you taking me? What do you take me for? My whole life is thrown into panic. By what is she going to say about her creation? ‘I made it thin at one end and fat at the other’. well, what a revelation What is all this? What is all this about? Where are you taking me? What do you take me for?
3.
The only green thing left alive at number twenty three Is a solitary much beleaguered cherry tree. They gravelled over lawn and shrubs to park their cars And astroturfed the back where there once was grass. Then they cut off all the low stems so their boys wouldn’t climb them, But purchased a plastic climbing frame: a cunning retail stratagem. Oh cherry tree In my neighbours garden Shower me in your Falling blossom Oh cherry tree Bathe me in your red leaves Feed the roosting birds your delicate fruit He goes outdoor with his electric garden gadgets And huffs and puffs at a falling leaf but somehow fails to catch it. Gas fired barbecue smokes out the neighbourhood. He bellows at his screaming kids for sword fighting with bits of wood. Their rabbits stay inside their hutches; nothing out there to eat as such. Run a marathon to keep on living, take what nature keeps on giving. Oh cherry tree In my neighbours garden Shower me in your Falling blossom Oh cherry tree Bathe me in your red leaves Feed the roosting birds your delicate fruit I want to put up sign in my garden saying: Earthworms and woodlice, come frogs and newts, All Swallows and robins, you Hedgehogs and badgers, All life welcome here. Oh cherry tree In my neighbours garden Shower me in your Falling blossom Oh cherry tree Bathe me in your red leaves Feed the roosting birds your delicate fruit
4.
Everyone’s an artist ’til the rent is due ’Til there’s bills to pay I need something to ease the pain To make me feel real again (a) TechNomad in the digital wilderness (a) TechNomad in the digital wilderness Long midday shadows obscure the frozen ground Contrails divide the turquoise January sky Twelve cows in the field, Like a biblical prophecy, Two of them are brown. One magpie. (a) TechNomad in the digital wilderness (a) TechNomad in the digital wilderness Everyone’s an artist Everyone’s an artist ’til the rent is due ’Til there’s bills to pay I need something to ease the pain To make it real again (a) TechNomad in the digital wilderness (a) TechNomad in the digital wilderness Everyone’s an artist
5.
Apples, peaches, pears and plums, Jump when your birthday comes, Is it January, February, March or April, May, June, July or August, September, October, November, December Eeny, meeny, miny, moe, Catch a tiger by the toe. If he hollers, let him go, Eeny, meeny, miny, moe. Strawberry shortcake, blueberry pie, Who’s gonna be the lucky guy? Soft as butter warm in the sun Who’s gonna be the lucky one?
6.
I come here to feel To feel real To feel well To feel okay To feel whole To feel like me I come here to feel Did I hit a vein? Like a bleed in the brain Did I hit a nerve? More than I deserve Or can expect, Confirm or reject To drown out the noises In my head DREAM DRAMA AM DRAM TRAUMA TRA LA LA ATTRACTOR TERROR TRAUM I defend with music and making And thinking and being. I value uniqueness Even if it is vague, timid and tiny. And tinny. I commit to do more and be more, This is now This is the new future. I fucking dare. I call on all persons here present To say FUCK YOU and NO MORE.
7.
Ricky’s gabardine dream Suited and overcoated ready to be promoted Ricky’s gabardine dream cardinal tabard hard not to let down your guard It’s tailor made but hard to put your finger on is it a shawl, a cloak, a poncho, no portmanteau, a wrapper for Capote or Van Dyke for Bertha Pelerine Victorine a modern day flapper or any old slapper Ricky’s Gabardine Dream Ricky’s Gabardine Dream Ricky’s Gabardine Dream The return of the Mac The return of the Mac The return of the Mac Ricky’s gabardine dream wrapped in plaid it’s the best he’s every had Ricky’s gabardine dream Draped in tweed it’s all he’ll ever need Ricky’s gabardine dream The return of the Mac
8.
9.
9 Guitar 88 04:22
Hey sweet princess, whatcha need? I like your colours, yes indeed Take my hand and we’ll walk the floor Dance the rumba, maybe more Have some fun and then play about Use you up and then wear you out Mama said that you should take care With the boys from over there I don’t care if you don’t feel great I got my guitar eighty eight I don’t care if your time is late I got my guitar eighty eight When I’m feeling like a jerk girl you’re kickin’ me out to work Need some money an’ a place to share but when I need you you’re never there smoking heavy an’ drinkin’ late I got my guitar eighty eight Life is in the hands of fate I got my guitar eight eight you better run, you better run for your life got no hope, no one gives a damn For my kid I didn’t have no plans So I’m wasting here in the floor Till someone kicks me in the jaw Now your eyes are full of hate lookin at my eighty eight Now you walking out the gate All I got’s this eighty eight Sold the eight to pay the man Into the fire from the frying pan I got nothing left to give This is the life I chose to live now my life is second rate without you or my eighty eight You my son I must educate don’t lose your life to the eighty eight
10.
We all have a trashcan deep within, It’s just my theory, Deep and dark, and seething with malevolence. Bowing to the dignity of labour: the discipline of laundry and ironing. Kneeling in perfect white crystals. “serve the cause and die” This is the rhythm of my life, my life, oh yeah, the rhythm of my life This is the rhythm of my life, my life, oh yeah, Rhythms of dark and light, coloured patterns of icons and rituals. A well made bed and a pistol, blood and justice. Corporeal seduction, bodies training and bathing. Balletic stretches in hot dust, gyrating in front of mirrors. “This is the rhythm of my life” dancing with reckless beauty.
11.
Happy trails to you, until we meet again Happy trails to you, keep on smilin' until then Who cares about the clouds when we're together? Just sing a happy song and bring along the sunny weather Happy trails to you, until we meet again Some trails are happy ones, but others are blue. It's the way you ride the trail that counts Here's a ridin’ song for you Happy trails to you, until we meet again Happy trails to you, keep on smilin’ until then
12.
oh my beautiful one precious beyond measure I miss you when you’re away from me my beautiful one Notes from a black book on a train back from the West: In the dark there is no escape from what is buried beneath. When you are waking you arch and flex; Both like my dying granddad and a shadow of ultrasound. I am sad that you forgot that happy afternoon in the park by the river. Times carried far away in its flow, all dredged up like shingle. There were times which scarred and grazed you, and me too, in ways. I hope you also forgot those stinging antiseptic tears. oh my beautiful one my greatest treasure I miss you when I’m away from you my beautiful one I have to confess I have been secretly reading in the bathroom ‘Dessus les pavés le plage’ And I’ve eaten all your special biscuits and cake. I inhale your wake. Tell me, what are you running from? Be sure, it will get you in the end. Look at me and you will see it’s caught me, but it’s not catching. Oh my beautiful one

about

I have been generating a whole load of new music whilst I have been signed off to receive chemotherapy for my old noodle. And with my return to work getting closer I am conscious I need to finish it up and get it out there while I still have the time. So as I had enough songs which were sufficiently finished in my mind/ears to make up an hour, I am setting them free. Partly so that I can keep working on new stuff. I hope you enjoy them.
Those who have heard my last three albums release in the past couple of years may notice the same morbid sensibilities, the same silly humour and the same random jumbling of input. I think maybe this one is less 'arty' and more 'poppy'. That said, don't expect three and half minute hit factory chartbusters: there's still a good helping of strangeness.
The title took a bit of thought, and relates both to 'The Boss' and similar kinds of 80s radio-friendly American rock music in a couple of places, and also to me reassessing my role as a manager when I am only the boss of myself working and existing from home. Of course, 'not the boss of me' is a popular phrase. At the end of the day it's just a name, I could have called it '4'.
The album cover is a photo I took of myself, what I think young trendy types call a 'selfie', in my studio, working on an on-going art piece/performance/costumed ritual based around the TechNomad featured in track 4. The woollen jumper was knitted for me by my mum many years ago and I am making good progress at growing into it.
Please listen, and tell me what you think. If you want to pay a little more to download I will happily send you a CD copy with a one-off handmade sleeve with lyrics and notes.

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released May 1, 2023

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benjamin_sanguine Winchester, UK

artist | musician | dad

experimental indie pop from the South of England.

new albums keep coming, and some more old stuff coming up for free.

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